BEDBUGS, The Book and Boquette
This past week has been a real ordeal.
I have had to figure out how to tread water through two urgent crises, and one chronic one.
First the bedbugs.
While I am happy to say that I have had three nights in a row with no bites, this is still me coming to the end (hopefully) of a horrific life experience.
I must be on the super sensitive end for these little beasties because I did not just get itchy and rashy and see the bites; I actually got hives.
As I make meaning of all of this, Spirit–, as my teacher– tells me that I metaphorically got a taste of where white supremacy culture is landing with my psyche these days.
AS OUT OF CONTROL CHALLENGES TO MY PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES, that are truly “getting under my skin”. Louise Hay maps out for “your body believes everything that you say” about skin: “Protects our individuality. Anxiety, fear. Old, buried things. I am being threatened.”
You bet your ass I'm feeling threatened! And, that brings us to The Book: urgent crisis number two.
This book is my first solo anything!
Spirit of My Ancestors: a Black Woman Doctor’s Truth” is a memoir. It begins with my suicide attempt at age 48, then methodically travels from birth forward to review all of the various ways my life journey took me to that particular “spiritual emergency and see”. That's a lot of very personal sharing and self publishing has been a real bear.
THANK GOD (Goddess/”God US”) for my publishing coach:
https://youtube.com/shorts/xh3Q25XLmAA
As the e-book version sits live over at Kindle (and at draft2digital) and my paperback goes through the final bureaucratic processes (with Amazon and Ingram Sparks), I've had several mild panic attacks.
The major theme that I have explored through my book raises its ugly head, even at 68 (20 years after those experiences I've written about). I can still feel myself hooked into poisonous thoughts. Thoughts that it is not SAFE to be Black, female, sexy, smart and wealthy…
They will kill you–
I believe the major difference now–versus when I would get anxious 20 years ago– is that when those thoughts leak into my consciousness now, I'm more often than not meeting them with “SO WHAT?”
Meaning, being healthy in my late 60s feels pretty successful–being a black woman with the life stressors I have experienced. If they “get me” now, I still had a good 20 year run beyond cultural expectations of a Black professional woman.
Which brings me to Boquette. The Chronic Crisis. Can I successfully ex-pat myself to Panama by January, 2027? Will I have enough secure income (with social security so insecure)? Where will I settle?
It seems like all Americans heading to (Panama) want to live in Boquette. I don't.
I imagine that is because I'm feeling a strong spiritual pull to a part of (Panama) I've never even visited–VOLCAN. And if I go with my community healer persona leading, I'll be looking at COLON.
And, I started a “Go FUN-d Me” to cover the modeling medical tourism part:
https://gofund.me/7b7e44a02
THE SEASON OF THE BLACK WITCH DOCTOR UNFOLDS…